Back to Reality?

Some of my readers have been waiting for this post, because they know that something drastic has changed in my life.

My maternity leave is over and I'm back at work.

I haven't posted yet because I have SO MUCH I want to say, yet I don't think a blog is where I should be saying it. I'm very overt with my thoughts and don't want that to get me into trouble.

Monday was a terrific day. Colin and I spent the day on the water in his boat I haven't yet been in. The weather was perfect, and the surroundings were completely relaxing.

On Tuesday I had a detailed self-examination. It was my last day of mat leave and I couldn't help but look at the past year and grade myself on how I spent it. It was emotional. I was upset about some things I wish I would have done, and upset about the great things that I'll miss. I'll focus here on the great things I'll miss and ignore the regrets:

• brunches with friends
• playdates with Nathan and his teeny friends
• spending so much time with our family of 3 in the past 2 months
• walking/window shopping with my Mom
• watching my son grow
• sushi dates with Mom, and whoever else could come
• spending time with both my parents
• spending time with my 3 year old nephew
• seeing my sister more
• getting more sleep (Nathan, you ROCK!)
• after nap cuddles (oh MAN am I gonna miss THOSE!)
• going on vacation whenever I wanted to
• trips to the States (went 8 times?)

The list goes on and on. I'd be here forever.

Sigh.

Last Wednesday was my 1st day back to the high-paced land of lattes and coach bags.

The West Coast Express hit a deer and it broke the train as we ran over it (I actually thought we were derailing). A woman pointed to me and said, "this is your fault. Isn't it your first day back from your maternity leave?". Wow. Do I live under a microscope? I was 45 minutes late for work.

I'm not gonna lie, it was a tough day to get through. Not really because I "missed" Nathan, because I've left him with people countless times in order to help me with this transition back to work. It was more because I feel like I'm going to miss out on the important parts of his life. I'll likely miss his first steps, I won't be there to wipe his tears away after a tumble, and most disturbingly, I won't be the primary caregiver anymore.

I know he's in good, no... excellent hands though. Look up "Mr. Mom" in the dictionary and Colin's face will appear! We've had some time off together as a family and he's become just as familiar with Nathan's "schedule" as I am.

And when he goes back to work, my mom will care for him full time. She's raised more children than Mother Teresa, so I don't have to worry about him AT ALL! He'll probably get better care from her than me, because she's been raising young kids consistantly for 33 years. He'll get to play with his 3 year old cousin all day too.

It's good to be back in some ways though. Maybe I'll elaborate at another time. But for now, my break is over.

Thanks for listening.