Say what?

A conversation around a campfire this past weekend prompted a memory to be withdrawn from my memory bank. Here goes.

In 1999, WAY back in in the last millenium, before the year 2000 was going to destroy the earth, even before Colin and I started dating, I got my best lesson about "foot-in-mouth" syndrome. Those who have been reading my blog since it's beginning, or pretty much anyone I've ever met, should know I have the above-mentioned disease.

I was 19 at the time. Just a youngster. I was going about my life single (at the time), working at Tim Hortons and not really knowing what I should do with my life. I felt particularly far away from God, as I was mad at him for a relationship that had gone south. A group of friends went with it, and my sense of who I was. I was lost.

March 1, 1999, I had a specialist appointment because my throat had been sore for quite a while. The morning of the appointment it was especially bad. I went to the appointment sqeaking, and left with no voice. The doctors said my vocal chords just needed a break. I DO talk a lot.

So that day, I bought a thick pad of paper, armed myself with Bic's and went home, unable to speak.

As the days went on, I realized how much I say that is really not necessary or important. In a conversation, I would really want to say something or make a joke so I'd quickly start scribbling on my paper. But by the time I was done, so was the conversation, and the joke? No longer funny. I could only have one-on-one conversations, because then the other person would have to wait for my reply!

As days turned into weeks, I started to learn sign language, because I still wasn't speaking. I learned how to listen in a conversation. I learned which friends were patient enough to "talk" to me. But that wasn't the most important thing I learned.

I learned that God is the only one you can talk to when you don't have a voice. Sure I could ask my mom to "pass the potatoes and carrots, please" in sign language, but I had to rely on God to fulfill my emotional needs. Not a boyfriend, not a friend, not my family...but God.

As soon as I realized this, I stared enjoying my moments of silence. I remember wondering if I even wanted to speak again! I'd go days without testing my voice to see if it was back!

But on April 1st, after exactly a month of silence, it returned.

To this day, I think I lost my voice because God wanted me to learn a few lessons. He wanted me to have less distractions so that I could learn to rely on Him. He wanted me to figure out who I was with His help. And, He wanted me to take a good look at the things that are coming out of my mouth. If they're not beneficial, why bother saying them?

I wish that once I learned a lesson, it would stick around forever. But unfortunately it doesn't! I still stick my foot in my mouth, and still forget that God is my sole provider, but at least now I can refer to a past lesson instead of learning one all over again.